another of my finest hours

February 23, 2010

i lost it and screamed a lot just ten minutes ago.  it’s the lack of sleep.  i haven’t slept properly in over three years; i’ve either been pregnant or dealing with babies and toddlers that don’t sleep more than two hour stretches.  i’m burnt out.  i think i could sleep ten hour nites for the next six months and only just being feeling i was making a dent in it.

poor percy bears the brunt too.  it’s so unfair and so mean of me.  however i’m past the point of self control when i scream in my darling girls face “fuuuuuuuucckkkk!!!”  of course her screwed up, tear streamed face makes me realise what an absolute crap job i am making of raising my beautiful children.  as i was rocking tally to sleep after my tantrum i contemplated taking a trip down to the bottle shop and drinking myself into a coma, or rounding up as many sleeping pills as possible from the local chemists.  does the ability to dodge duty abrogate said duty?  and won’t i feel infinitely worse during the traumatic aftermath, assuming of course there is a conscious aftermath.

what brought this on?  for one reason or another, probably of our own making, tally is nearly as a bad sleeper as percy was.  so he gets rocked to sleep for each nap and nite sleep and from nite wakings in our arms; 95% of the time, my arms.  he had just drifted off, i was lieing him down in the cradle when percy comes hollering down the corridor “mum, mum, mum!”  of course his eyes snap open and he’s wide awake again.  the non-existent fuse on my temper puffed out and i screamed and threw things and threatened more.  i try to set percy up with something to do for at least half an hour so that she won’t need me.  (as an aside this is usually tv or a movie; she watches far, far too much teev.)  clearly it doesn’t always work. and every so often i’m sick of it.  sick to the point of physical retaliation.  i scream myself hoarse and have been known to put my hand thru the wall.  then there’s oceans of tears and five minutes later it’s all over.  except of course it isn’t because i still haven’t slept and still have three million things i’d like to do each day, about one and half of which actually do.

solution?  there isn’t one.  believe, if i could think of it, i would do it.  but not sleeping for three years does take the scintilating quickness and considered depth out of my thinking.


big bed!

February 22, 2010

we bought percy a double bed yesterday, to be delivered wednesday.  wow, she’s getting a double bed at three!  i didn’t get a double bed until closer to 23.  tho that’s not really relevant.  for paul and i a double bed just makes much more sense.  when tally comes out of the cot we hope to sling them in the one bed together.

p.s. tally likes pancakes with maple syrup!

logging, not really blogging

February 17, 2010

seeing as i can’t find the time and often the inspiration to write properly i’m at least going to try to log our daily to-ings and fro-ings.

today, wed 17th of febuary 2010, we took the train to the city.  percy has been asking for a train ride for nearly two weeks and today it suited.  she was very well behaved while tally’s head seemed mounted on a swivel, taking in all the new sights.  a successful trip all ’round.