July 12, 2013

once again, i’m ‘fessing up to failures in my being a fantastic parent.

i’d like to pose this question… name one person in your life that you would happily spend every single waking moment with?  no, i can’t either.  if being fantastic includes happily spending every waking second of your day in the company of your child/ren, and every sleeping second poised to leap into action at their need, i am decidedly not fantastic.

(i’d happily spend around half of every day with paul.  for example; he knows when i’m removing things from my body, whether it be shit, snot, hair, toe nail gunk or anything else- THE BATHROOM IS OFF LIMITS!  percy and tally haven’t grasped this yet.)

time for the usual disclaimer… i love them, i adore them, i would do anything for them,  yadda yadda yadda.  right, now that is off my/our chest/s.  back to reality.

being a stay at home mum, particularly when you’ve no natural penchant for it, is demanding.  add in not even bothering to look for work, not studying, no house to renovate and my favourite (nearly only) hobby being reading, something that can’t enjoyably be done with two kids a maximum of ten metres and/or the next meal away, and i’ve reached saturation point.

no, i’m not bothering to look for work because there is zippo chance of anyone giving me meaningful employment when i’m only available between school hours on tuesdays, thursdays and every other friday.  i did start looking at courses in town planning today.  not being familiar with planning in canada, and not working in the field at all for the past two years a diploma or something like that seems a good idea.  i should probably bone up on the aussie system, i think it’s changed considerably since i did anything meaningful in it.

i’d write more.  actual stories, even a novel, or short pieces to submit to magazines but i can’t write with the constant interruptions.  others can maybe, i can’t.  writing could be done during school hours, only two days a week.  we’ll see come sept.  i’m also intending to hunt down the toronto chapter or guild of bookbinders.

paul is due home in 20 minutes, the babysitter about 40 minutes after that, and then for three hours i can tip some goo out of the saturation bucket.  funnily enough, or stupidly enough, that goo is made of love, care, concern, hope and a fair amount of guilt.  i’m not a fantastic parent but i still think no-one can be a better mother to percy and tally than me.


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