holy hell i’m feeling old today.

i had lunch with a 20-something today.  she was telling me about a three day marathon gaming session with three of her buddies.  i couldn’t care less.  and that’s not just a reflection of my absolute lack of interest in computer games.  (we may be the only household in the universe that does not have some sort of electronic game in it.  no xbox, wii, playstation, hand-held whatevers, you name it, nada.)  it’s a show of my absolute disinterest in someone/thing that can go three days without interacting with other people or the world in a meaningful way.  do i sound like anyone’s nanna?

in preparing to attend lunch i did something i have virtually no call to do any more either.  i put on a full face of make-up.  putting make-up on taut, young skin is a breeze.  putting make up on older skin that literally stays where you push it, is depressing.  so is standing so close to a mirror in strong light.  i have frown lines between my eyes, at the bridge of my nose.  when the hell did that happen!  no question mark there because that ain’t a question.  and no-one is to attempt to answer it.  i have the beginning of creases across my forehead, they’ll be permanent lines soon enough.  the soft skin under my eyes, yeah the very stuff that when pressed with a finger takes a good, slow count of two or more to ease back into position is crepe-y and wrinkled.  the skin under my chin is loose.  i will not detail anything below the chin, that’s just cruel and inhuman.  i’m decrepit already, and clearly far vainer than i previously thought.

in a little over a week i will mark another birthday, on my rapid way to 40.  i’ve been telling myself i’m pretty much 40 already anyways, you know, in the attempt to lessen the blow when it actually comes.  today i started a rapid back pedalling… i’m still 37!  and 38 isn’t that close to 40.  that’s still a loooong two years away.  i promised myself cosmetic surgery as my 40th birthday present to myself some time ago (okay, okay, i’m clearly very vain!) perhaps i’ll advance that to 39, so I’m 40 and fabulous!  when that awful day rolls around.  i just don’t want my eyes disappearing in the flab around them; a little lift, a little tuck, a little brightening…  surely that’s no great evil?  (shut up, no answer required!)

i’m resigned to grey hair.  said as i reach for the hair dye in the bathroom cabinet.  i do wish my hair would just go a sparkling, radiant silver over nite.  the 50/50 drab grey is not so enlivening.  i think i’d rock a sparkling silver tho!  the slackness and softness of my body i’m kinda coming to live with.  i do figure i spent 18 months of pregnancy and nearly 24 months of breastfeeding to earn a reasonable amount of that slackness and softness.  but my soft, crepe-y, lined face i can’t come to terms with.  yet.  ever?

the inexorableness of aging has me in its grasp.  i suppose the wearing away of my outward youthful beauty should be replaced by something else.  i haven’t a good idea of what that may be yet.  perhaps something to re-visit when I’m approaching 50, and 60…  one day my brain may catch up and i’ll feel like i look.  for now there are plenty of moments when i catch my breath and wonder at being an adult, a parent no-less.  a voting, responsible, working, decision-making adult.  my face says that i am, the gooey mass behind it not so much.  aging may have me in its grasp but i still have wriggle room!  pass me the yellow pages, i’m finding me some botox.


(what’s that, dearie, the yellow pages are online now?)


2012 goals

December 11, 2013

as we near the end of 2013, and since i’ve come across the page i wrote a set of goals on for 2012, i thought i’d review how i went…

1. toilet train tally.  since he is now and as far as i recall has been for a while i’ll call that done. tick.

2. help percy have a great year at kindergarten.  big tick.  i think she had an awesome year and three months in kindergarten in oz and canada.

3. learn to cook more dishes.  tick.  still don’t like doing it.

4. practice yoga everyday.  major fail.  negative tick, if there is such a thing.

5. complete renovation of front yard.  i’d say 85% done.  remaining items: a. the steps down the driveway, b. a continuation of the bench seating below the new retaining wall, c. seating, water feature or planting along new fence, not decided which, d. replace lawn on the slope with mulch and native creepers and shrubs.  overall exceedingly happy with the front yard.  we sweated blood into that and it’s come up awesome.  (one of the things i miss most about oz is playing with kids and friends in that yard.)

6. clear excess vegetation from rear yard.  no tick.  did not do.  is getting done now tho.

7. relocate shed.  no tick.

8. build rear deck, including access ramp/stairs.  no tick.

9. complete plans for house renovation.  total tick!  we did that.  i just wish we could afford to put it into action now.

10. build new chicken run.  no tick.

11. create vegetable garden.  no tick.

overall i think that doesn’t even add up to 50%.  woops.  nos. 1 and 2 were fairly significant things, so that’s a plus.  and to be fair it ought to be noted that part way thru 2012 we determined that we would be leaving the country for a bit in 2013, hence priorities and goals changed.  Nos. 6, 7, 8, 10 and 11 fell rather significantly away.

with 2014 coming up perhaps i ought to write a new list of goals.